Yesterday was a long one for both my wife and me. She had a busy day at work, while I spent hours landscaping under the sun. By the time evening rolled around, she crashed on the couch, and I was still finishing up some computer work.
Not long after she settled in, our girl cat, Topsy, made a beeline for her and curled up beside her.
Once I wrapped up and headed to the bedroom—exhausted and finding no room left on the couch—our oldest boy cat, Vernon, immediately followed me and claimed a spot on the bed.
A few minutes later, Alfie, our energetic one-year-old, came running in to join us.
That got me thinking: is it just coincidence that the boys always end up with me while Topsy gravitates toward my wife? Nine times out of ten, Topsy chooses her over me, while Vernon and Alfie are glued to my side.
In today’s post, we're diving into the fascinating world of cat bonding and behavior.
Do cats prefer humans—or even fellow cats—of the same gender? Let’s find out!
Our Cats’ Histories and Bonding Patterns
Topsy, our oldest cat, has been with my wife, Melissa, since 2017—a few years before I came into the picture in 2020. This could very well explain why she prefers Melissa over me.
After all, their bond was already strong long before I entered the scene. So maybe it’s not a gender thing at all—maybe it’s just loyalty and time.
Vernon joined our family as a foster in 2022, and pretty quickly, he started gravitating toward me. Was it because I’m male? Or because I nurtured his playful, attention-loving behavior early on?
When Vernon first came to us, he was kept in our foster room in the basement—and he hated being down there alone. He would cry and cry, so whenever I had free time, I’d head down to play with him.
Over time, he learned that I was the bringer of fun and companionship. It’s no wonder we ended up close.
Then there’s Alfie, our one-year-old whirlwind, who came to us last summer—also as a foster. Even though he spends time with both Topsy and Vernon, he quickly started copying some of Vernon’s (admittedly annoying) habits: hopping up on counters, and learning to drink water straight from the sink like a true big brother!
So, is it a gender thing that Alfie prefers me? Or is he just following Vernon’s lead? Interestingly, Alfie has also started a new routine: when I head to bed, he’s usually the first to follow me.
But once there, I usually start playing with him before we settle down. Maybe, just maybe, he’s figured out that heading to bed = guaranteed playtime. Smart little guy.
What the Science Says About Cat-Human Bonding
According to an article published in Frontiers in Veterinary Science, there’s no scientific evidence showing that cats prefer human companions based on gender.
In fact, the research points to something much simpler: cats respond most to attention and interaction.
While cats aren't typically seen as attention-seekers the way dogs are, they absolutely notice and respond to consistent affection, engagement, and companionship.
In short, if you make time for a cat, chances are they’ll make time for you.
Thinking back on my early interactions with Vernon and Alfie, it makes perfect sense. When Vernon first came to us, he was lonely and scared in the foster room—and I was the one who made the effort to spend time with him.
Whether it was playing, comforting, or just being present, I gave him attention when he needed it most. Alfie, following in his big brother’s pawsteps, probably learned that I'm a reliable source of fun and comfort too.
So it may not be a "boys stick with the boys" situation after all—it's more about who showed up, who played, and who built trust.
Genders Among Cats—Does It Matter?
Before Alfie came along, it took some time for Vernon and Topsy to fully click. Their personalities are just very different—Vernon is playful and always looking for action, while Topsy is more of a laid-back cuddle buddy who loves her attention and getting plenty of pets.
Once Alfie entered the picture, though, everything started to shift. Even though Alfie’s energy matches Vernon’s playful side, he somehow managed to bring even more life into the whole group.
Not only does he wrestle and play with Vernon, but he’s also gotten Topsy to join in on the fun. Of note Alfie plays with each separately.
Alfie has built strong bonds with both cats in his own way. He clearly looks up to Vernon like a big brother, following him around and copying his (sometimes mischievous) habits. At the same time, he treats Topsy like a mother figure—seeking comfort, playing with her, and even sharing grooming sessions.
Just like with humans, there’s no scientific evidence to suggest cats bond based on gender among themselves. What really matters is personality, connection, and shared experiences—and with our crew, that couldn’t be more true.
It’s All About Connection, Not Gender
At the end of the day, our cats aren’t choosing their favorite human—or each other—based on gender. It’s all about trust, time, attention, and shared experiences.
Topsy bonded with Melissa because they share years of love, cuddles, and companionship. Vernon and Alfie bonded with me because I spent time nurturing their playful spirit.
Alfie—our energetic little bridge—has woven himself into both worlds, bringing playful energy to Vernon and sweet affection to Topsy. Suggesting he doesn't prefer one of the other.
Whether it’s a playful chase, a shared grooming session, or a quiet moment of cuddles, our cats show us that relationships are built one purr, one paw tap, and one snuggle at a time.
In the end, love speaks louder than gender—and thankfully, our cats are fluent in it.
What about your cats?
Have you noticed them bonding more with one person in your family—or with each other?
Drop a comment below and share your story! I'd love to hear about the special connections in your home.
